Rise And Fall of the Milk's Kingdom
Time and time again I have ran into the problem of not having anyone to discuss the things I enjoy with. Love running and lifting? "Though shit, exercise ain't hip, unless you do it for the girls." Feel like doing math problems on a Friday night? "What the fuck is wrong with you?" Enjoy analysing films? "Why can't you just enjoy it, turn your brain off." Well, this was no different with anime - started watching and realised it was another interest that no-one IRL was really into. Like for many, the first stop for anyone wanting to get in on dicussions related to their hobbies was Reddit. No different for me, shuffled to r/anime and found enough reading to do, but couldn't really get into the conversations sadly (that's what I get for not browsing New feed). So my second idea was to find a discord server. Searching r/anime proved to of help:
Milk's old post.
Usually advertising discords is double-bad-ILLEGAL on r/anime, but thanks to some miracle this post managed to slip through! And man am I glad, otherwise I would've missed out on one of the most meaningful experiences that the power of the web has ever provided for me.
Greetings!
First ever messages.
Legendary Kaito appears!
The beginning to my Discord adventures was quite slow because I liked to frequent the place when I had nothing better to do in class - which meant during the day, when most of the members were sleeping or what have you. However the two that saved me from boredom were Psych and Kaito. Especially Kaito, with whom I did my first tandem-anime-watch thingy. We had a whole new channel made for us, we watched Kino's journey, an episode a day, and discussed to our hearts content. Sadly the channel was removed so I have no way to revisit our wonderful convos, but I was one of the greatest times - I finally had someone to share my thoughts with. Later some other people showed interest in group watches too, we had quite a few actually, but the one that stood out was Mawaru Penguindrum, surprisingly. The channel for that was also removed, but it was great while it lasted. Huge shoutout to Cade, he was really active on that one.
The relationship chart
So after we'd chatted a while Milk mentioned something that caught my attention:
"thats some effort"
Since I'd had so much fun with the people there I got stuck on the idea that I should update the chart and make a more refined one. Got Kaito to help with the lore since he was already a veteran of the server. He wrote a doc full of inside jokes and happenings + some descriptions of the people and I went to town on Photoshop. My skill with PS were rusty, but I don't regret the hours spent on the chart in the slightest.
02/03/2018
Some notes:
Lurker squad: Espio, aotsukisho, lenny, akiramoon57,
Ashura, cxth159, FFukamizu, kappa96, Probably a DM., Rha;psody, Rose
Calyx, say0chan, shimyia, SpaceBananna, Todd D
The deceased: onefootstout, spacebishijesus, TheIdleWaifu
JoJokes: Psychic, Warcsi, Kaito
Eva Fags: Kaito, JamFox
The higher-ups: Kilkie, Milk, Unit
The lower-downs: Sasafred, Normie Korma
Kaito: The "Capital C" Critic
JamFox: The Elitist with a 50% Drop Rate
Psychic: The Prodigy from an Uknown Country
Kilkie: The Cat Goddess
Warcsi: The Feet-Typer
Milk: The Father of Everything that Exists
Sasa: The Lewd Man
Unit: The Hawaiian mod-senpai
Wester: The Supreme Grand Librarian of the Imperium of Mankind
Dil: The Biggest Normie Ever
Koenie: The Cow Fetish Gu
Roleplay and The Kingdom Map
Since the relationship chart was a hit and people had been talking about doing some roleplay, new ideas raced to my head. On a whim Milk changed the servers name from "Milk's cafe" to "Milk's Kingdom" and everyone followed suit and changed their names accordingly to medieval times. Logically, the only conclusion was that we needed a map for the kingdom, so I proposed the idea, people agreed and thus this was born after many revisions and banters later:
26/03/2018
The ideas sprawled and evolved into evermore ridiculous ones and the roleplaying channel became the most active one. Quite a lot of people contributed to the event and in the end we, mainly with Kaito, wrote notes for the locations on the map. They're chock-full of inside jokes and hidden nods to the convos at the time:
The trail of No Return – It has been told that once one enters Milk’s Kingdom of Weebs they will never be able to leave. People can visit other places, but will turn insane if they’re gone for too long. Many have not withstood the madness and have found their end in the Suicide creek.
Suicide Creek – Leaving the Kingdom has turned many to the side of madness and has made them decide to say goodbye to this cruel world at the bottom of this creek. The remains of the late space, Todd and Idlewaifu are still providing the local trouts necessary snacking.
The Lonely Lab of Kaito – Not finding the promised Divine _T_aste from the town, Maester Kaito decided to return to his studies as a high scholar. He moved into a laboratory that King Milk ordered the plebian weebs to build for him.
An unsuspicious house – A completely ordinary house, unusually far from the town. Many have spotted Ser Jam walking around this general location at night. Surely he’s not doing anything suspicious.
JamDaniel’s Brewery – Ser Jam’s founded brewery, for he did not find alcohol for his tastes when he arrived. In fact upon his arrival there wasn’t a single store that sold alcohol, and for he did not wish to drink the town drunkard’s fishy homemade moonshine he decided to brew his own Whiskey.
The Great Three, aka The Theatres of Animangus – The three most popular buildings of the town, the raison d’être of the town: Melchiorus, Balthasarus and Casperus provide the townspeople the entertainment for three different tastes - The Elitist, The Plebist and The Otomist respectively.
Lady Kikile’s Church – Oppressed by the Kingdom’s main religion - The Waifulewdists - the church is only frequented by three people. It has been said that it can stay afloat thanks to Ser Unit’s occasional support and their hidden underground otomeist community. It’s masterfully hidden and only one outsider has wandered in there - Ser Jam on one whiskey-filled night. The Cult of Fujoshi, called the filthy fujoshi by everyone living in the Kingdom, believe that 3D men are to be burned at the stake, and are obsessed with their 2D husbandoes.
St. Sasa’s Cathedral – Upon arrival Sasa spread his knowledge of his religion - lewdism. He renovated the old church, left behind by the previous king, into a glorious cathedral and became the Saint. Milk agreed to this on one condition: that the religion be merged with waifuism. Thus was born the waifulewdism.
The picture archive of the unattired - While the cathedral was big, it wasn’t big enough to house the lewds of Sasa. The import of the unattired waifu pictures overflowed the cathedral and a three-story building was built. After multiple extensions it is now bigger than the cathedral itself.
Meadow of Koenie – A meadow that now belongs to the half-cow, half-human knight Koenie. It is still popular among the townspeople for its relaxing atmosphere, and Koenie welcomes them quite happily.
The River of Shit Taste – Like many other great towns, Milk’s Kingdom was also built next to a river, once called the river of Good Taste. Unfortunately, after erecting the city walls just a tad farther from it, the areas next to the river became slums, the Jojogus and Otomegus, and the river suddenly changed color. Drinking water from the river recently renamed the River of Shit Taste causes mass loss of brain cells and yields a high risk of infection by shounen. The kingdom now has to import water at fairly high prices.
A.A. art museum - The Art Appreciation museum, where art from all over come for the viewing pleasure of all.
Kiki’s gallery - Lady Kikile’s own gallery where she puts her works in display.
Grasslands of the Armored Cows - There’s a peculiar rumor spread around by the town’s drunkard, that at very specific days the loricatorum boves pulchrae (latin for armored cows) come out to attack unsuspecting visitors.
Library - Library for normie books. (I was the only one using this ;_;)
Toshokan(weeb for library) - Library for manga
The dock - Owned by the Industrechant Guild. This is where the “Con” boats come and supply the town with “merch”.
Tea Lounge - After Maester Kaito’s invention of the **T**ea that heals almost everything, there was no longer need for a hospital. The whole staff was fired and a Tea Lounge was created. The leftover equipment was left there for self-service procedures.
Swolemeister’s - A fully equipped gym built thanks to Ser Jam’s manipulations in other towns. He managed to convince the leading Swolemeister family to build a state of the art gym, for he couldn’t leave the Kingdom, but still needed a way to bulk. Only Korma and Jam are regulars there. Maester Kaito has promised several times that he will start frequenting it, but has not gone there even once.
Koenie’s - Koenie’s restaurant built after he graduated Tōtsuki Saryō Ryōri Gakuen.
Milk’s Royal Residence: The Castle - His Majesty’s residence is just as you would expect it to be, a medieval-style, enormous white castle. While it is unknown if all the rooms in the castle are used or not, it is known that His Majesty’s favorite is what he likes to call the GWENT room. Ser Unit also lives in the castle.
Warcsi’s residence - Warcsi established his residence right next to the Merchant’s Trail so he would have an easy time welcoming the traders and merchants alike. It wasn’t completely out of his happiness for the visitors, nor was it to ward of his desolation and loneliness. Actually it was so he could buy yeast and corn to feed his addiction of homemade moonshine.
Wester’s residence - Living far away from the town is not inconvenient for Wester at all. Possessing vast knowledge about everything in this world, arguably even more than The **S**cholar, he uses his house to practice the magic he calls “science”. He has said that he likes to build “spaceships”, but what these “spaceships” are is unknown. Kaito has been seen around this house several times.
Industrechant Guild - Once there were 2 guilds called the Industrial Guild and Merchant Guild, but these guilds were so close to each other and working together very tightly anyway so they agreed to merge, thus becoming the Industrechant Guild.
Lore for the map
The roleplay thing got so much attention that Gem, Milk and Unit (if I remember correctly) decided to write a freaking novel for the Milk Kingdom's lore. Here it is, though it was never finished:
In a small land on the Anime planet, there lived a young boy named Milk. He saw how the townspeople of Nerds and Geeks(town name) were in despair due to a government that treated them unjustly. He decided to stand up against the unruly by working his way up, socially, alongside Villager#1 and the former Hand of the King, who helped him gain his current role. Unfortunately, due to an unforeseen accident, Villager#1 became mute, and the first Hand of the King passed away. To help him move the kingdom forward, King Milk recruited Ser Unit as his right hand man.
Both of them laid out the groundwork and decided to recruit people to advance the Kingdom. Town Priestess, Apprentice Kaito, Duchesse Kikile of Baguetteland, Psych, Sasafred, and Lenny formed a group to research on development. Due to their accomplishments, Psych, Sasafred, and Lenny earned the titles Ser, Señor, and Town Crier respectively. Additionally, Sasafred was later gifted a brothel.. to satisfy his and his Grace’s… needs.
After the Kingdom had been steadily growing for some time, King Milk declared the Kingdom be named “Kingdom of Weebs,” which attracted weebs from all over the world. Numerous villagers either planted their roots in his Kingdom or were simply curious travellers passing by..
Maester Kaito decided to return to his studies as a high scholar. His cravings for knowledge needed to be satisfied and staying in the castle would not help him accomplish his goal. He moved into a laboratory that King Milk ordered the plebian weebs to build as a safe haven for him.
Duchesse Kikile of Baguetteland moved permanently into the Kingdom of Weebs. She truly wanted to help the growing community in her own way and spread the word. Despite being beautiful and having received countless marriage proposals from suitors, she turned them all down, even from the King. King Milk still holds her in high regard and gifted her a manor.
Ser Psych proved his worth and continued to guard the King in the castle. He had insecurities due to his short height, but after obtaining the title of an outstanding Knight, everyone looks up to him and is loved by the people.
Koenie moved from the far pastures to apply as a Knight in the Weeb Kingdom. He excelled in not only his Knighthood as Ser Koenie, but also as a chef. He is half cow-half human, but no one seemed to care.
JamFox mysteriously creeped into the Kingdom one night. No one knows where he came from, where he’s going, or what his intentions are. To people’s surprise, he quickly jumped into a trusted Knight role by the King. After obtaining the role, power went to his head. He does not know when to stop and pursued even more power by starting a coup against King Milk by recruiting Sorceress GemGem, Zookeper Cade, and Princess Zelda. King Milk knew Ser JamFox’s intentions but still warmly welcomed every new person he brought into the Kingdom.
Sorceress GemGem was hooked in unknowingly. She quickly turned against Ser JamFox by dedicating her knowledge to help King Milk rule the Kingdom and in turn became Court Wizard and was bestowed with the title of Lady.
Zookeeper Cade had a different outlook. He fully wanted to assist Ser JamFox in his revolution and dethrone King Milk. He would occasionally use his Skinwalker ability to transform into one of the pets he has and spy for information from the castle.
Princess Zelda, recently entered the Kingdom with the goal of helping the children as a teacher. She knew how to fight and defend herself which motivates her in passing on her abilities to younger generations in hopes of helping the Kingdom’s defence to be stronger.
Meanwhile, there’s always a drunk in town. No one knows what he’s saying. They would let him walk around and try not to involve themselves with him as much as possible.
CHARACTERS
King Milk
Ser Unit
Maester Kaito
Duchesse Kikile of Baguetteland
Ser Psych
Señor Sasafred
Ser Koenie
Ser JamFox
Sorceress GemGem
Zookeper Cade
Princess Zelda
THE STORY
Chapters order from newest member to the oldest as the story gets deeper.
CHAPTER 1 - PRINCESS ZELDA
“I’ll help you get out of this slum of a city. Just follow me and travel east where weebs all over the world gather. We’ll continue our talk there,” a mysterious passerby spoke in her ear while she was walking home from her daily patrol. She quickly turned her head in response but the stranger was already out of sight.
Princess Zelda, a pale short-haired brunette wandered along the narrow roads of Hyrule, if it could even be called one. Hyrule collapsed years ago before she was born, but the royal blood in her veins still proved to be true. Everyone knew of her existence and in turn tried to ignore her, some even went to such lengths as sending an assassin to make sure a royal will never take the throne again.
Zelda was called a countless number of degrading names by the past nation’s citizens, but she never wavered. Princess Zelda learned the art of self defense and withstood all of the trials on her path. She believed that someday she would be able to revive Hyrule to its previous glory - no, greater than its previous glory. Nevertheless, she was never alone. Countless of sympathizers gathered for her cause having witnessed her working relentlessly from afar. Elders became her advisors and children became her students.
Normally, she wouldn’t think twice when a random person tried to get her into something since normally they would be up to no good, but something about the mysterious boy piqued her interest with how he mentioned the ‘land in the east where weebs gather.’ It was rumored around the world how a young boy was able to overthrow the rotten government and set up a new Kingdom staffed by his loyal followers. Also rumoured was how the new Kingdom became peaceful, attracted tourists and merchants, and how the residents were happier than anywhere else. Zelda deeply wanted to see the place for herself with her own two eyes. How could a young boy achieve something that grand a scale? How did he amass such a following? She wanted to learn all there was to know about the mysterious boy.
“Elders,” the Princess shouted on the top of her lungs in the usual gathering place, a small cabin made of logs and hay cleverly hidden deep in an alley. They had no choice. This was the perfect place out of the public eye where everyone could safely gather. “I wish to take on a journey to the rumoured legendary land in the east where weebs gather. We all have heard rumors about the place and how respected the current King is. I sincerely hope you all understand my decision in going away from my homeland to learn everything I can in order to assist Hyrule.”
Zelda’s voice was strong and firm leaving no space for argument. All of the Elders knew they could not keep her caged within the fallen city forever once they saw how bright her eyes shone. “We understand. Princess, please take good care of yourself.” They could only pray that the glimmer in her eyes would not be deluded during her journey.
****************************
Walking through the wilderness was no easy venture. It took her a whole month with stops at multiple cities for rest and supplies. She continued following the Merchant’s Trail, as people in previous cities suggested that was the right thing to do. It was not difficult for her to hitch a ride with some wandering merchant or the like, once they saw how formidable a bodyguard Zelda was capable of being due to her training in self-defence. Finally, after a seeming eternity, from Zelda’s point of view, the Kingdom of Weebs was on the horizon.
“I see you have arrived, O’ Princess Zelda of the Fallen Land,” a light brown haired boy with a cunning face came out to greet her as she walked past the entrance gates.
“That voice. You’re him”
“What if I am?”
“Who the hell are you and why did you summon me here?”
“Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm,” he tapped his finger on his chin in a teasing gesture. “Don’t worry about me. I summoned you here because you are a possible sympathizer to my cause, and I also think you could prove very useful in ensuring the future plans I have in store go accordingly.”
“What plans?”
“Bye! Have fun while you’re here!” the light brown haired boy sped off, bleeding into the ocean of merchants and villagers entering the Kingdom.
“Weird dude,” she murmured as she took a mental note of being cautious of involving herself in his matters. She was only there for her own research after all, nothing more, nothing less.
As she carried her belongings and strolled deeper into the General Town Center,
“YOUR HUSBANDO IS SHIT!”
“YOUR LEWDS ARE SHIT!”
“I DON’T IMPOSE MY LEWDS ON YOU!”
“Lady Kikile, Ser Psych, please calm down. Both of you are attracting unwanted attention.”
Two people were shouting at each other in the middle of the Center. They… seemed close. An angry girl who looked like a high ranking person stomped her feet several times to make her point. Her opponent was dressed like a Knight, and there was a woman holding a staff trying to mediate between the two. It was amazing to Zelda how accepting this Kingdom must be to allow people to argue about their tastes in the open.
“BUT MY HUSBANDO AREN’T NAKED, DUH,” the girl assumed to be Lady Kikile flipped her hair and walked away from the argument site…. without looking ahead. “Eh,” her body bumped into Zelda’s. “Sorry! I wasn’t looking ahead because that dumb piece of shit over there is making me aggravated. Are you alright? You’re not hurt?,” there were no injuries, but Lady Kiki did walk into Zelda at full speed, so a meaningful force was involved.
“I’m fine,” Zelda replied as she heard a raunch “HEY!” from the guy Lady Kikile was arguing with.
“I do apologize for our behavior. If you don’t mind, I’d like to treat you to something. You’re new in town, right? I’ve never seen you before. It’ll be great to have another girl friend!” she chirped. Without waiting for her answer, Zelda was dragged along with the three strange people, having no clue what new experiences awaited.
They arrived at some manor, presumably Kikile’s. At the entrance, there stood a grouping of beautiful, thorned rose bushes welcoming them. This could either go awesome, and I’ll learn plenty, or I’ll be toyed with and murdered, Zelda couldn’t keep herself from these thoughts. These people are too friendly. Or perhaps it is a custom of this Kingdom to welcome strangers this way?, Zelda was pensative. Regardless, she took the risk and headed in. The four were quickly seated in a sunroom that provided a beautiful view of the rose garden.
“Plebs, prepare afternoon tea with baguettes for my three guests and I,” Lady Kikile told a servant, who swiftly went to fulfill her oder. “Ah! Where are my manners. My name is Kikile. I’m the Duchess of Baguetteland, a land in a kingdom far, far from here. These two here are my friends,” she motioned to the the guy who she had an argument with earlier and the woman with the staff.
“Hey. I’m Psych, a Knight.”
“And I’m GemGem, a Sorceress. It’s nice to meet you.”
“Psych’s a retard, don’t listen to him,” the poor guy was shaking his head in response, “GemGem’s nice. You can talk to her. And GemGem….” Lady Kikile turned her attention to the Sorceress, “Stop calling me ‘Lady’ already.”
“Agreed, and drop the Ser while you’re at it” Ser Psych joined in.
“But! I can’t just disrespect you two!” GemGem argued.
“Remember, you’re a ‘Lady’ yourself, and furthermore, we’re all friends here. No need to be formal, especially in my home,” Lady Kikile reminded the Sorceress.
GemGem looked like she was in a pinch, so Zelda interrupted with an introduction, “Nice to meet you all! I’m Zelda from Hyrule,” she left out the ‘Princess’ title. It was no longer relevant anyway.
“Hyrule?” Lady GemGem questioned, “I’d read in a scroll that it had fallen years ago. Never would I have thought the kingdom was still inhabited.”
“Yes, there are small communities trying to help bring Hyrule back to shape,” Zelda looked into their eyes with obvious determination, “Thank you for bringing up the topic. I’ve travelled here to the Kingdom of Weebs because there were rumors of how great the current King is and how he saved the previous citizens from certain doom. I’d like to know more about that.”
CHAPTER 2 - ZOOKEEPER CADE
“Boy, quite a collection you have here,” a quirky, cheerful, light brown haired boy who was not but a stranger to him an hour ago was trotting about in the Zookeeper’s private room, bearing a curious gaze.
Cade was a brown-haired and fairly built young boy who, because of an unceasing love of all animals, caused people to keep their distance from him. He would scoff at people who thought that cute dogs and cats, or anything of the like, were the only acceptable pets. They would point their fingers at him in disgust, but it went both ways since he thought they were the ones who were being hypocrites.
“Now tell me your name,” Cade demanded of the stranger boy. Not a single soul had ever stepped into his precious room, but this person gave out a peculiar aura compared to anyone else he had met. This could perhaps be the only opportunity to make a human connection, he thought.
“Hmmmm,” the boy hummed teasingly. “You do not need to know who I am yet. For you will one day be working with me for a cause grander than you or I,” the mysterious person strolled around waving at Cade’s reptiles playfully. Even Catherine, Cade’s most loyal reptile, seemed to like the boy.
“Fine. What do you want?” Cade asked. It was probably safe to lower his guard around a person his pets took a liking to, despite not knowing a single thing about the boy.
“I need you to meet me at the border of the legendary Kingdom of Weebs,” he was half-singing his sentence as if mimicking a children’s song. “You know where that is, right?”
“Who wouldn’t? Anyone with common sense knows of that place.”
“Good,” the light brown haired boy gave him a satisfied smile. “See you there, then!” he dashed out of the room, the house, and soon out of sight, waving his right arm goodbye at Cade. Funny guy, Cade thought.
The doors closed to silence. Once again, Cade was alone with his animals. “Freak Zoo” was what the people called his place. He lived out in the country where communities could easily be avoided, but, regrettably, he forgot to consider how close-minded people in small villages were.
The Kingdom of Weebs wasn’t exactly far away from his house. It would take around a week by carriage, but the idea still bothered him a little due to his dear animals. He couldn’t possibly leave them alone in this horrifying village, the people would surely set his house on fire with the intention of killing all of them in his absence. Or I could… Cade stared at his hands, No… The only way possible is to take all them along with me.
Cade started to pack all of his necessary belongings into bags, supplies in boxes, and pets on the back of an old wagon he owned. He felt bad for forcing his reptiles into a much smaller space than they are usually in, but an exception had to be made. After making one last round around his property, he prepared his horse and jumped onto the wagon.
The horse started pulling the wagon along past the village’s bulletin board. Cade took one last peek on his one-and-only announcement: “Friends Wanted. Must Love Reptiles and Anime!” The flyer with all of his contact information was there since the time he moved into the village, but no one ever took interest, or rather hated the young boy for it, which was why the funny stranger who knocked on his door a couple of hours ago represented a glimmer of hope to Cade.
****************************
Gasps followed by shrill exclamations could be heard left and right as Cade advanced down the Trail of No Return:
“Is he for real!?”
“How stupid could a man be?”
“He’s doomed!”
was some of the gossip directed at him, this made him chuckle. Cade knew all about the horrifying ends people who entered the Kingdom from this path had met, but it would take a fool to actually believe that a trail is cursed. Besides, it would take him another week if he were to use the longer but safer Merchant’s Trail.
A small sigh escaped Cade’s mouth as he commanded his horse through the borders. The mysterious light brown haired boy never mentioned a date nor time of meetup, so he thought he might as well have a short rest in the city.
The smell of grilled meat was flowing in the air. Cade sniffed and sniffed, trying to find his way to the source creating the delicious aroma. Fortunately, he didn’t even have to make a trip, a restaurant painted in green with ‘KOENIE’S’ in big, white letters was stationed right next to him. Cade parked his wagon on the side of the street and walked right in.
Pictures of plump, well-fed cows decorated the inside walls. Certifications and recognition papers were hanging on a few corners along with pictures of customers smiling while eating a plate of steak. It seemed like the owner of the humble restaurant truly loved his craft and cared for the customers.
“Welcome!” an odd-looking person, if he could be called one, came out to greet him. He had a human face with brown-and-white colored cow ears poking off the sides of his head. Normal arms and upper body, but the rest of his lower half was that of a cow’s with a tail to match. “A table for one?” he asked.
Cade nodded and was taken to his seat. Not many people were in the restaurant, most likely because it was just past two in the afternoon. He saw a pair of women in a corner chatting about an anime he had never heard of and a lone man in the far side of the restaurant shouting “ORAORAORAORA” with beer in hand. What a diverse place, he thought.
The half-cow-half-human being handed him the menu, and to his surprise, there were only beef-based dishes ranged from meatballs to grilled A5 quality beef. Cade took another peek at the being, back at the menu, and then back at the being… “Cannibalism?” he uttered.
“HAHAHAHA,” the being let out a hearty laugh, fitting for such a beastly man. “You must be new to this Kingdom. I’m Koenie, a knight, and this is my restaurant, which I work at during my free time. Welcome to the Kingdom of Weebs and welcome to my humble establishment. I hope you enjoy it here.”
“Thank you,” Cade felt a slight bit of shame crawling up his face. “I’m Cade. Your restaurant looks like a pleasant place to dine in, Ser Koenie” he made sure to use the correct title.
“I’m honored,” Ser Koenie replied with a smile. “Now, may I have your order?”
“Beef stew, please”
“Your dish will be brought to you shortly,” the owner bowed slightly and went off to the kitchen.
As promised, his beef stew was neatly placed in front of him. The aroma of mixed herbs and spices such as parsley, thyme, and pepper with a hint of cinnamon was exuding from the dish. The young boy was taken aback after having a taste of the tender chunk of meat. Needless to say, it proved impossible for him not to end up licking the bowl clean.
“I see you’re already fitting in with the crowd,” a familiar voice came from behind. The light-brown haired boy who he travelled here per request was smiling cockily at him. The boy lowered his voice so only both of them could hear his next spine-chilling words, “Now come with me, Cade, The Skinwalker.”
CHAPTER 3 - SORCERESS GEMGEM
“Welcome to the Kingdom of Weebs. I will be requiring your services from this point forth,” a cunning light-brown haired boy greeted the young woman at the south entrance of the Kingdom, which was surrounded by industrial sites.
GemGem, a sorceress who moved away from her homeland seeking knowledge in order to accept all kinds of jobs to sustain her family back in the far west. After her parents divorced and her father moved away, she was burdened with the role of breadwinner for the rest of the family. Possible suitors would approach her in the previous cities she had been in, but the logical side of her mind always rejected their advances.
This was nothing but another job that the Sorceress was assigned to. She was determined to finish it and move on, but something about the boy seemed suspicious. He chose to stay anonymous and would not inform her of any details regarding the work beforehand. Under normal circumstances she would have rejected the offer, but the job offers were scarce and she had to take anything she could get her hands on. GemGem had memorized all of the self defence spells in case things went south, and a small green jewel was always held in hand which serves as her warning indicator.
“Let’s go,” the anonymous boy motioned GemGem to follow him.
They walked through Artem Street where all the galleries could be seen. AA Art Museum displayed the most amazing art she had ever seen. The Sorceress took a mental note to drop by the gallery before she left the Kingdom. The block next to it had a sign saying “Kiki’s gallery”. The exterior brick wall had a colorful and warm water color art-piece professionally framed that called for people to drop in. GemGem’s now-employer-and-guide mentioned that Kiki was the only artist in town and the gallery was dedicated to her pieces. The last gallery was of the unattired. Nothing more of the place was spoken of. Both of them focused their vision ahead, making sure not to spare a single glance at the questionable block.
A left turn into Voluptatum Street, where games and anime theatres could be seen, amazed the Sorceress. The street was truly for pleasure and anyone would find it hard to leave. She tried to ignore all of the temptations and strolled straight ahead with the boy out of the border and into the slums where a Church stood nearby.
“This here, is what I need your help with,” he pointed to the slums. “Your vast knowledge of anime makes you one of the few people who knows what this medium could accomplish, but those people in the Otome and JoJo slums are dragging us down. We need your help in getting rid of them,” the boy ended his sentence by moving his finger to point at a sign that read ‘Lady Kilkie’s Church’
Not a second later, a curly, medium-length haired brunette in a rich embroidery dress came walking out of said church, “What are you doing here, JamFox?” the woman demanded.
“Milady Kilkie, I’m here to give my… friend here a small tour,” JamFox, assuming that was his name, bowed to the high ranking brunette.
“It’s Lady Kikile to you, you stupid idiot. I know you purposely built my sign wrong to get on my nerves,” Lady Kikile huffed. “Ah, now who is that person behind you?” she inquired after noticing the staff-wielding stranger.
“As I said, she’s my friend.”
“A girl!” Lady Kikile clasped her hand in delight. “JamFox, you leave right this instant and leave me alone with her,” she ordered.
“No way am I letting you instill your otome game trash in her.”
“Umm….” GemGem let out a small voice “There must have been some misunderstanding,” her voice directed at the boy. “I have watched a lot of anime, that is the truth, but I also like otome games….”
“A friend!” Lady Kikile gleefully ran up to embrace the new woman in town.
“WHAT!?” JamFox who had the opposite reaction, shouted in surprise. He took several steps back in order to keep his distance from the two women, ”YOU’RE FIRED!” and ran off into the distance leaving both women puzzled.
What luck, GemGem thought after a long pause. She had been longing for a female friend to talk about her hobbies with, but in turn accidentally lost her one and only job on the spot. She glanced at the glowing jewel in hand and knew she had to do something before moving out from this Kingdom. “Lady Kikile,” the Sorceress gathered all her courage, “how could I have an audience with the King?”
“Excuse me?” the question caught the lady off guard.
Both of them knew how hard and long of a wait it was to gain approval for an audience with the King of Weebs. According to the scrolls, the King wasn’t of royal blood and had worked his way up with the help of his friends, but that didn’t mean he would agree to meet any random stranger, not to mention a new face in town.
“Please,” GemGem begged with a determined voice.
Lady Kikile observed the new woman long and hard. She pondered for several minutes, which felt like an eternity, as a gust of wind blew by and small kids ran around the area.
****************************
The gigantic pure white exterior of the palace was something to behold of. The interior was grander, paintings of His Weebness’ favorite anime characters were hanging on the walls, red curtains were hanging and luxurious carpet dressed the hallway, and ornaments were meticulously placed around the palace.
“I’m doing you a favor because you looked desperate and we have the same husbando. Use your time wisely,” Lady Kikile lead GemGem through the hallway. She seemed to know the ins and outs of the castle and was of a higher rank than the Sorceress was lead to believe.
A pair of wooden doors stood before them at the end of the corridor. Two royal guards towered over them at each end of the corridor. A dirty blond haired Knight stood on the left while a half-human-half-cow brunet Knight stood on the right. It only took them a second to recognize Lady Kikile before quickly pushing the door open for her.
“Ser Unit, please bring out His Weebness this instant. My friend here has an urgent matter which requires his immediate attention,” she spoke on the top of her lungs to the black haired Knight in glasses who stood next to the throne.
The Knight turned his attention to GemGem who was still holding her staff, “You’re a Sorceress?”
“Yes, Ser”
“Only people who have seen a great amount of anime and applied the knowledge to spells could achieve that title. A lot have tried, but only a few succeed,” he commented in awe. “Are you looking to be Court Sorceress?”
“Excuse me?” GemGem was taken aback by the sudden question. In normal circumstances, she would be overjoyed by the proposal, but this was not the time.
“Ser Unit! We’re not here for that!” Kikile backed her new friend up, “Though that would be a good discussion for later, since apparently she finds herself needing a job.”
“Apologies, I assumed you are here to apply for the position because we are currently searching for one. I’ll go grab the King,” he turned his back to the two women and disappeared behind the curtains.
A few minutes later, a dark long haired man stepped out into the light. He was wearing red and gold silk with a coat of white fur that covered his shoulder.
GemGem kneeled down on one knee and spoke, “Your Weebness, I believe JamFox is planning a coup.”
CHAPTER 4 - SER JAMFOX
“To hell with that Sorceress!” a light-brown haired boy slammed his fist on a wooden table. He was standing alone in a house miles away from civilization. The view from his window perfectly framed the busy market in the Kingdom of Weebs. “To think she fell into the Cycle of an Anime Fan trap. I must change my approach.”
The famous cycle stated that a person will find all anime amazing when they first try the medium. They would get addicted and try to find even better anime to watch, eventually they would come across the classic 90s - the era elitists praise. They fall prey to becoming elitists themselves, then after they have consumed an unspeakable amount of anime, they stop caring and only watch for enjoyment.
JamFox, cunning as his name implied, had been planning a coup against the Kingdom of Weebs. An elitist who stood by his own beliefs with a burning passion and who looked to reform the Kingdom to how he thought it should be. His desire was to educate all civilians on the greatness of the classics and make them realize how low of a standard present day anime had become. He planned to revolutionize the industry, ultimately bringing back meaningful anime.
Initially, he traveled to the famous Kingdom of Weebs to seek people with similar mindsets. Only a few people received his interest and were worth conversing with. Despite that, he was content. “A few close friends is better than a hundred acquaintances,” he thought. Due to that, he never moved into the Kingdom. He found a quaint place just far enough from the kingdom to make an easy trip back and forth when he felt like it.
Once JamFox felt comfortable visiting the Kingdom everyday, he decided to open a brewery to cure his thirst for quality whiskey and a gym to satisfy his need to stay fit. Both locations had increasingly gained popularity amongst the people, despite a lack of gym participants. Words about JamFox’s efforts spread to the King’s ear and eventually, he was knighted as Ser JamFox for all of his accomplishments.
A thought occurred to the boy how easy it was for him to gain such a title. “Ser” wouldn’t be given to everyone and normally men would have to enroll as a knight to receive it. JamFox, on the other hand, simply did what he wanted in the Kingdom and got knighted along the way. Countless ideas raced through his mind how he could try to change this Kingdom for the better.
****************************
“Here’s an interesting guy,” a brunet who looked a few years younger than JamFox handed him a stack of paper. “My research says he’s still new to anime so we could make good use of him. Plus, he has an interesting ability.”
JamFox’s eyes scanned over the document full of personal information on a young boy named Cade. It was a wonder to him how the brunet scholar even came across classified information. He was correct on how the Sorceress was knowledgeable and the documents on her were also on point, unfortunately they forgot to factor in her interests and taste in anime which were impossible to find.
A week few weeks later, Cade was sitting across JamFox in his house outside the Kingdom. The boy tried to come off as cool but failed as his eyes shot left and right to observe his surroundings.
“Cade, I’m overjoyed that you decided to give me a visit,” the calculating box clasped his hands together on the table as if holding an interview.
“Who wouldn’t after you said that,” the young boy defended himself. “How did you even get that information? No one knows about it.”
“Oh, anything is possible with money.” A convincing lie. Cade looked uncomfortable knowing his personal information was bought but he took the bait.
JamFox took the young boy’s silence as an acceptable answer to move on. He preached his ideals to Cade and dropped little sweet talk at how intelligent he he thought the boy was and showed how similar their tastes in anime were. Cade may not have seen much anime yet, but JamFox could see the huge potential in him.
A few days later, JamFox got himself an ally.
****************************
“Why this girl?” the cunning revolutionist tilted his head. He was reading through scrolls on a woman named Zelda who lived in a fallen land.
His loyal brunet friend stood by the entrance door who was ready to leave nonchalantly replied, “She seems like one of our kind. I could be off on this one as well, but even if we were wrong in our judgement, won’t it feel good helping out a fellow human in need?”
JamFox sighed. He did not believe Zelda will help him in his grand plans, but his friend was right, the girl needed help. He lured her into the Kingdom of Weebs and if she felt an inclination to help him out of gratitude, that would be an ideal outcome.
Closing notes: Chapters 5-11 were never finished due to some server-wide drama related to the temporary leaving of the server by Kiki. Unfortunately after that the drama, the server started to fall apart little by little. The convos shortened, the tensions rose and everyone got "busier".
Miscellaneus bits and snippets
There were quite a few little day to day moments that don't really fit into the whole 'narrative' but are still worth noting.
Three-way simultaneous anime contract
Drama-plague ravaged the lands of the Kingdom, but I tried to revive what I could by suggesting a contract event. Everyone would recommend 1 anime to the pool and we would randomly assign who would get to watch what. Then we would watch 1 episode a day and talk about our thoughts. The discussion channel was deleted, but I managed to save 2 pictures of the "what I watched/expected/got" thing we did at the end.
My take on Baccano, suggested by Kaito.
Gem's take on ACCA, suggested by me.
Kaito, The President
It was his birthday, I had to slap something together lol.
Kaito And The Legendary MAL Shitpost
There really was no shortage of fun to be had with Kaito, the sort of banters we had will be missed for sure. He really was the dude for all kinds of conversation. One day I got the brilliant idea to spend the whole 45 minutes of Russian class to create a satirical article on his MAL favorite anime characters list.
This was his list at the time of writing.
He later did one in response, which freaking made my day.
Kaito's reponse
Jam's Drunken Conquest For TRUTH!
I don't really remember what happened, but what's done is done + seems like most people involved enjoyed themselves (I hope, lol). I sure as hell did.
Everything must come to an end.
The server still gets some bursts of activity from time to time and I still quite enjoy going back there in 2019, but it's obvious that the golden days are history. Though, I have memories to treasure and a new friend as well, Kaito, with whom I'm still in contact with. (Hi, Kaito!)
